I’m a shawl dancer. I’m friends with shawl dancers. Joe B likes to say that shawl dancers remind him of race horses….that we are kind of high strung, anxious, but fast. A lot of fast-twitch muscles. Lol. So we shawl dancers tend to obsess about being in shape, bringing new outfits out, and trying to maintain a healthy weight. Not so easy at times, especially after “life” kicks in and you start having kids or working full-time. One time I had a shawl dance friend relay her frustrations with trying to get in shape. And she got mad at me for trying to share my story with her and she said, “You don’t know what it’s like to be out of shape because you’ve never had a weight problem.” Ohhhhh, I beg to differ…..

I was a chubby kid in grade school, starting about 2nd grade. I was heavier than most of my peers throughout grade school and high school. Looking back, I wasn’t as big as I felt I was. I was athletic and played sports. But I was bigger than my non-Native peers in the parochial school system I was in and I always felt different. My mom, even though she always worked, cooked at home. We rarely ate fast food when I was in grade school. My dad was a runner. Both my parents played softball during the summer, so we had active role models. We played outside in our neighborhood. Basically, I was in good health growing up, just a little heavier than most. I remember trying different things to “get in shape”…like running with my dad at the track. Or rather, running a few yards, then feeling like it was too hot in my little sweatsuit with the stripes down the sides of the sleeves and legs and deciding to sit down until he was done running his laps. Ever see “The Royal Tenenbaum’s”? I think I dressed like those little boys when “working out”.

My first experience with successfully losing weight was when I was in 9th grade. I played basketball my Freshman year and stayed busy every day after school with practices or games. When basketball season ended, most of my teammates tried out for the volleyball team. My only experience with volleyball was in PE that semester. Our PE teacher was one of JV coaches I believe and she spiked a ball at me during a game in gym class. Instead of trying to return or block the ball, I just got the hell out of the way….like anyone with sense would do. She looked so disgusted with me it was almost comical. And I discovered that it really stung the forearms and my bony wrists to “bump” the ball. Needless to say, that killed any inkling I may have had about trying out for volleyball team. So instead of going to more practices every day after school, I went home.

It took about 2 days to become bored out of my skull being at home every day. And I had a lot of energy because I was used to practicing every day after school. I remember organizing the hall closet, and then doing every single piece of laundry in the house. That took up the first week post-basketball season. Then I needed to find something else to do. So….out of pure boredom, I put on my high-top Adidas basketball shoes and decided to go for a run around the neighborhood.

I kind of liked that….running after school. So I started running more and exploring nearby neighborhoods. I have no idea how far I ran, I think I was out running for maybe 30 minutes at a time. But I did it consistently. I had nothing else to do.

One day when my dad was home from work, he stopped me and asked me, “Shelley, are you losing weight??” He kind of had what you would call an incredulous look on his face. Hard to explain but if you have ever had my dad look at you like that, you would know what I’m talking about. My answer was “Yes, I think so,” Followed by me asking him, “How can you tell?” He said he could see new laugh lines near the sides of my mouth that weren’t there before and that I just looked thinner. Still wearing that same look he asked me, “Well….what are you doing to lose weight?” My answer: “I’m running.”

I can still see the shocked look on my dad’s face. The memory is crystal clear. Remember, I would get too hot and sweaty after part of lap a few years ago. So he repeats and asks,”You’re running. Where are you running? How far?” I tried to explain my route to him. He gave me a piece of paper and said, “Show me.” So I drew out my route.

Still looking like he is having a hard time grasping this new knowledge of his oldest, formerly-chubby daughter, he asked me, “What are you running in?” My answer: “My high tops.” A nice stretch of silence for a few moments, then he said again, “Show me.” So I brought him my basketball shoes that I had been running in. He held them and looked at them for a few moments and asked me, “You are running in these?” Yeppers. The rest of the conversation is a little fuzzy…I just remember that he took me out and bought me a pair of running shoes that weekend.

I think I dropped 2 clothes sizes during that time. That felt great to a high school freshman. I would like to say that I became a dedicated runner after that, but I would be lying. I continued with running, on and off, serious or frivolous, for years. But I always remember my freshman year where I made the connection that consistent running led to weight loss.

My weight continued to go up and down over the years. I have topped out at being 36 pounds overweight (not including when I was pregnant with my Swirlies), and I actually feel blessed that it hasn’t been more than that. There have been 2 more times in my life where I’ve had to lose 32-36 pounds to be healthy and to be able to dance how I would like to dance. Where it’s not hard and I don’t give my weight an opportunity to cause an injury. So yes, I’ve had my experiences with having a “weight problem” and losing the weight. And running was always a part of me losing weight.

I like where I am at now in my life…where my focus isn’t so much on weight as it is on my health and well-being. I know now that weight isn’t the only determinate, or even the most important determinant, of my overall health. That it’s more important for me to know my numbers (blood glucose, blood pressure, cholesterol panel), and to do good things for myself consistently throughout the year, rather than just “getting ready for pow-wow season”. Running has become far more to me over the years than just a means to drop some pounds. More on that in a future post. And I think it’s important to my Swirlies that I have a healthy approach to my appearance and that I continue to stress “health” over weight. I have to go pick them up now, so I’ll try to think of better stuff to write about tonight. 🙂