I’m not going to recap the huge gap in my writing, except to express the following.

I spent months experiencing anxiety, feeling all of the uncertainty, and just kind of wallowing in all that, in the midst of a pandemic.

I struggled to find a sense of normalcy. And I finally quit struggling and trying. and I just kind of….let myself be however I was going to be.

I did accomplish a few things. I completed a Mental Health and Psychopathology class that I needed to meet the requirements to sit for the LSCSW exam. Between my school therapist job and my side-hustle as an after-hours crisis screener, I was able to complete all my clinical hours towards my licensure. I had my first professional organizer gig. I was able to cash-flow a few short necessary trips, and build our emergency fund. And now that I put that in writing, that seems like a lot. Lol.

Some things I said “Good-bye” to in 2020.

I said goodbye to my mom. To be more frank, I felt like I had already said goodbye to her over the course of 2020. She had dementia and everything that made her my mom slowly, slowly left us following a brain bleed in November of 2019. She passed away due to Covid-19 on Sept. 17, 2020, 5 days following her positive test result in the memory care center where she was living.

I said goodbye to any mask-refusers, Covid-deniers, and people who don’t believe in public health.

I said goodbye to my Uncle Joe, my mom’s youngest brother, and left a piece of writing about him on my Facebook.

I said goodbye to restful sleep, and said hello to insomnia.

I said goodbye to my work style as I formerly knew it. My students are only in the building 2 days each week, those whose families decide to send them. Learning how to deliver mental health services online has been a challenge and I’m still not comfortable with it. But it is what it is.

The good thing I said goodbye to was my old, arthritic, bone-on-bone left hip joint!!!! I went for a re-check at the end of August to hopefully schedule my total hip replacement surgery for December during semester break. However, my hip looked bad. Like baaaaaaad, bad. There was a partial femoral head collapse which scared the heck out of me, as well as a couple of cysts. So rather than wait until December, I scheduled for as soon as they could get me in, which was October 7, 2020. Surgery went great, Dr. Scott Cook is the thee best surgeon ever.

I said goodbye to constant pain following my new hip being installed. I said goodbye to 2 different pain medications I had been using since 2017 to manage the hip pain. I said goodbye to the limited range of motion that made it difficult to tie my own shoe.

The things I said hello to……..

Hello to learning how to live in a world without my mom. Hello to crying once in awhile when I notice her influence in my daily life…..like when I pulled my recipe cards to bake some banana bread after she passed away, and I realized that 80% of my recipes were hers. When I see her personality or mannerisms in my kids and my sister. When I thought I had a minor dislocation in my new hip joint and I got scared….I just broke down crying and wanted my mom.

I said hello to learning how to sit in my feelings….and not try to be busy to bury them. This is a work in progress.

Hello to binge watching different series with Joe B. We went through all the seasons of “Last Chance U” rewatched “Grey’s Anatomy”, started “Outlander” but couldn’t make it past the first few episodes in Season 2, Cobra Kai, and made it to season 6 or 7 of “The Walking Dead”. When Denny from Grey’s/whatshisname in TWD came on, that was too much and we skipped ahead to when he finally got overthrown. Haven’t been back to watch it yet. Sara and I have started watching “The Twilight Zone” on CBS All-Access and that’s been something nice we can do together. And Joe B and I are currently on Season 2 of “The Crown” and watching the re-boot of “The Stand”.

So there’s that. My Goodbyes/Hellos.

Hopefully I will be saying “hello” to getting back to my blog, to document my journey back to shawl dancing. I always said “Wait until get my new hip.” So now that I have it, I need to use it.

It felt good to write this. Even if it was one of the things that made me cry.