Tag Archives: health

It’s a Journey Not A Destination

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My dad said it best….he said, “I’ll be glad to see 2016 go.” Lol.

This was a challenging year….let’s just leave it at that instead of listing all the woes this year hath wrought.

Some of my accomplishments from this past year: 1) I finally quit binge-smoking for good. I experienced some withdrawal headaches, and the memory of those headaches alone is an effective deterrent. 2) I started taking a magnesium supplement every night. This has helped me in numerous ways and I can do an entire blog entry on the benefits of magnesium in the future. 3) I got back on my daily iron, B-complex, multi-vitamin, Omega 3 supplements, and 4) I finally feel like I’m well enough to see my primary care provider and talk to her about starting to taper off my anti-depressant meds. That feels like a huge accomplishment to me. 5) I feel happy again. I feel positive and I feel capable.

My biggest priority now is continuing to change my mindset. I am focused on not lending any energy to negativity…to not let negativity have any space in my home or in my head….and if it creeps it, to make sure it doesn’t get comfortable and want to stick around. This is a big reason why I’m not making any New Year’s resolutions. I just want to focus on each day as it comes and feel good about each day as it comes to a close. I don’t want to derail my positive vibes if I “fall off” my resolution. Oh, and getting my A1c back down to a normal range is up there too with my priorities. But that will happen with the positive mindset.

I have a big puppy now. His name is Mickey and he was 1 year and 8 months when we met him. He’s a black lab, springer spaniel mix and he is beautiful. He has been a huge contributor to the positive mindset I started to build near the end of this past year. He is beyond cute. He is funny, he is sweet, he is affectionate….and we needed him as much as he needed us. We adopted him from a no-kill pet shelter in Ottawa, KS (Prairie Paws) and bringing him home in November I think was one of the best things we’ve done as a family. He keeps us active because he needs his exercise every single day, and I’ve experienced the stress relief of having him snuggle up next to me. You can literally feel the stress of the day melt away when you pet him.

My wellness journey, my seeking good health, has shown me that being healthy is indeed a journey. It’s not a destination. I’ll never be “there” when it comes to my health, because being healthy is a daily set of goals to be met. The good health is in the day-to-day…making that next best choice. And if you make the unhealthy choice, make the next choice the healthy one. Or make the choice as close to healthy as you can. Wellness does include goals…and when you reach them, you set a different goal in order to continue your journey. Wellness and health are dynamic….they are not static. They continually grow and evolve with us….with our age and with our circumstances. Being healthy is not a place to “get to”…it’s a space to live in each in every day. So I’m all about the journey….the today’s space….with my husband, my Swirlies and my Mickey at my side.

Time to Get Real Again…

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I never want this blog to become a “tell-all”…meaning where I pour my heart out like my blog is a diary. Yet I want to be a “truth-teller” like my new favorite author Glennon Doyle Melton as well. I don’t think I am as brave as her, so I have to find a happy medium…a balance of using my voice and sharing my experiences in hopes of helping someone else, sharing wellness information in a way that is engaging, all with the goal of “wellness” for myself and family clearly in sight.

I attended a powwow in Milwaukee, WI this past weekend and I felt very humbled when dancers and singers approached me saying they enjoyed reading my blog, or asking me how my blog is going. I was honest with one friend and told her that my blog has been hit or miss…it’s been difficult to write because of something that’s going on that I’m finding difficult to share. I decided I needed to be myself, make it real on here, in hopes that it will help someone down the road.

I have a history of depression. My history was a big part of the reason I studied psychology and social work when working on my degrees. I wanted to understand it and be able to help not only myself, but others, because depression sucks big time.

In addition to fact that depression sucks, it also has a stigma about it. I’ve learned that depression is not the result of being weak, or that I can’t handle business. It’s a result of chronic stress (physical or emotional) that can cause an imbalance of the chemicals in your brain responsible for that sense of well-being, or having what you might consider a “normal” mood or temperament. Those chemicals are called neurotransmitters. Your body likes to maintain things…keep the inner workings on an even keel (i.e. your blood pressure, blood glucose, body temp, etc.) and this phenomena is called “homeostasis”. Your body likes to be in balance and it will work to keep your systems and the chemicals that make up your systems within a certain range. Same with the chemicals called neurotransmitters. There is one called seratonin which helps regulate your mood. If these levels are too high or too low, your mood and behavior can be affected. Your body will work to keep these within a range it likes, but chronic stress, illness and other factors can cause the seratonin levels to become lower, or “depressed”. Under healthy circumstances your body may be able to bring these levels up on its own. Or you can do things that will temporarily elevate seratonin levels, such as exercise, eating nutrient dense foods, getting enough sleep, and getting sunlight to produce Vitamin D, to give your body help in raising those levels. And sometimes the seratonin levels stay depressed for so long that your body can’t bring them back up within the appropriate range on its own and it needs a medication called a SSRI (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor).

People experience and exhibit depression symptoms in many ways. Depression can either make them anxious and sleepless, or make them fatigued and sleeping all the time. It can affect your appetite…some people overeat, some lose their appetite. Some people feel like crying, some people get angry or even apathetic. Some people experience muscle tension and headaches, or aches in other parts of their body. There is no predicting where in your body the stress of depression will manifest itself. There are a variety of ways depression presents itself. And a variety of ranges. Most people think that clinical depression means you can’t get out of bed, you can’t stop crying, etc. But there is a form of depression called “dysthymia” which would be considered a low-grade depression. You are fully functioning, get out of bed every single day, hold a job, etc., but you feel like shit each and every day with no end in sight. You don’t LOOK depressed (whatever that means) and you don’t exhibit the stereotypical depressive behaviors. And then there is major depression which feels like you’ve hit rock bottom. Suicidal thoughts/ideation can occur in this condition, which is why it’s so important to let someone know and to seek help.

For me, when I was younger and going through my first bout of depression, my appetite changed where I ate junky food and didn’t feel like exercising. I slept all the time. I was moody and just didn’t feel good, felt like crying many times. As I got older and went through a bout of major depression, my symptoms changed quite a bit. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I felt like I couldn’t stop crying. I remember watching the clock in my room at 3:30am, crying, hanging on tight to a pillow and the edges of a blanket, feeling like I wanted to throw up, and just telling myself to hang on for another 5 minutes….just another 5 minutes and I’ll be ok. And I ran every day…I felt like if I didn’t run, I wouldn’t be able to breathe. Where I gained weight in an early bout of depression, I lost weight in that later bout. I didn’t want anyone to know so I just explained the unusual and sudden weight loss with “I got really sick and couldn’t eat.” Which was, in fact, the truth, it was just presented cleverly to hide what type of “sick” I was. Lol. My mom finally took me to the doctor to get help…it’s still a bit of a painful memory….I was helping her make the bed and I don’t remember exactly what I did or said…and she looked so sad and said she wanted me to see her doctor because she didn’t know how to help me. Her doctor did in fact see me and help me. I was prescribed Zoloft and I took it for several months and then I was fine. I still couldn’t sleep on that darn medicine, but at least I didn’t feel like I was losing my mind anymore.

As I have a history of depression, I’ve always tried to be mindful of it, and do what I can to prevent it when I know I am going through a challenging time. I also try not to hesitate to get help because I don’t want to go through major depression again. I always remember when my daughter was a toddler she told me one time, “Oppression hurts….but Cymbalta can help.” Lol (a commercial for a new anti-depressant). Random, I know, but somehow connected to this whole thing. About 5 years ago after I had been at my current job for almost a year, I felt myself start to slide downhill. I had to commute everyday an hour away because I had lost my 2 days of working in town as I was promised when I was first hired. I had to carpool so I had to leave earlier and arrive home later than if I drove myself. I never saw the light of day because the building I was in I never had to leave during the day. I would get home from work between 6:00-6:30pm after it was already dark outside and would get to spend exactly 2.5 hours with my babies before I had to get them to bed. It really sucked. My sleep and appetite were changing and so was my mood so I went in to see my doctor. I thought it was the lack of daylight causing my symptoms and I believed I had seasonal depression. When she told me I had dysthymia and she wanted to put me on an anti-depressant I started laughing. I told her, “Can’t you just give me a lamp (for vitamin D production) or something?” Lol…although she thought that was funny, I was given a medicine called Citalopram that I had to take for several months before tapering off of it, and once again, I became ok.

This last year has been one of the most challenging years I can remember in my relatively short lifetime. Looking back now, I think I started my downhill slide last summer as I worried about my impending surgery. I didn’t really talk to anyone about it, unless I was talking about how I was preparing for it. I didn’t want to worry anyone. And then I watched a video of a hip replacement surgery, and let me tell you don’t ever do that before major surgery. Bad idea. Very very bad. Then there was a series of stressors without much of a break to recover….my marriage hit a very tough time in October of last year, my aunt – my mom’s oldest sister passed away in November, then there was my surgery in December. Then the surgery recovery and the physical therapy in January. My mom had a heart attack in February. My beautiful oldest daughter Samantha went through a huge heartbreaking ordeal in March and she was 5 hours away from us. In April I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. It was one thing after another….with me fighting for my health and what felt like my sanity the entire time, determined to not give in to depression. I had requested something from my doctor early in the year to help with what I thought was just occasional anxiety, so she gave me prescription for Xanax. That helped somewhat…I laughed and told people that I literally had a “chill pill” as it calmed me down when my anxiety made it difficult to focus and work. But in June I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t get out of the house to leave for work on a Friday. I sat at my computer trying to do something and couldn’t stop crying. I felt like I had lost my mind. I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in months, my appetite was all out of whack, I had started SMOKING, my work was suffering, and my mood was starting to affect my kids. I felt truly broken. Everything I had tried to help myself felt like a complete failure. I felt like I was giving in….saying “uncle”….waving the white flag….when I dialed the phone to call my doctor to tell her I needed help. And I just prayed I could hang in there for the weekend until my appointment. I was diagnosed with major depression once again. I am back on an anti-depressant for 6 months and I see a counselor regularly.

On a lighter note, my meds have helped me immensely. They help to even out the really rough jagged edges. They have given me a better quality of sleep where I actually feel rested when I wake up in the morning. My emotions don’t roller-coaster as much. I can focus better. They at first made me feel kind of “out of it” at first, then I started taking them at night before I go to sleep. However, they make me a little absent-minded, and, according to my husband, they cause me to have no-filter. The most random, oddball stuff has come out of my mouth…ask anyone who knows. It’s mayhem at times, but in an odd, hilarious, good way. My motivation is returning…motivation to be active, to cook, to get things done, and to find coping mechanisms that work for me again without medication. I will be glad when I am well enough to taper off of them, hopefully in December.

Because of all of this, it’s been hard to figure out what to write about this summer…well, actually for the past year – except for my surgery and recovery. On the one hand, I don’t want to be spilling my business out there for everyone to see. I’m not looking for pity or sympathy, and once again there it that stigma of depression I want to not be attached to. But on the other hand, my whole intent with this blog was to share my struggles and my victories in seeking good health, in hopes that it would help me by writing it, and possibly help others by reading it. My state of well-being has a direct impact on those closest to me. My husband has told me in the past that I have to stay strong and stay up for our little family…that if I go down, they’ll all go down with me. That I’m their backbone. And I’m learning that being a strong backbone doesn’t mean I have to do it by myself. It means finding the strength to ask for help. It means that there is no shame in seeking help in the arms and ears of your sisters and best friends…or seeking the help of a counselor…or seeking spiritual help….or seeking the assistance of a temporary medical/pharmaceutical regimen. And I am beginning to believe that it means being strong enough to share your battle story with others without the fear of an outdated stigma surrounding depression.

This is my battle and I’m doing my best in fighting it. I am not ashamed of it, not trying to front. Just trying to deal. And I am taking pride in that.

8-Week Wellness Challenge

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First of all, I want to say right off the bat that I have succeeded at losing 17 lbs since my highest weight post-total hip replacement surgery!! That means I lost the 15 lbs I gained post-surgery, plus an additional 2 lbs. I have 5 more lbs to go to hit my 1st major goal. My youngest told me today, “Mom, you’re getting skinny.” Lol. Even though “skinny” isn’t my goal, regaining my health is, it was still nice to hear that someone noticed some progress.

My eating and workouts kind of went up and down over the summer, as those who powwow understand the disruption of routines, driving for hours, dancing all weekend, not always having access to the healthiest of foods, packing a cooler, etc. The healthy habits could have been better, they could have been much worse. I concentrated this summer on not beating myself up over slip-ups and just trying to get back on as soon as I can.

My sister got me in the habit of walking for 45 minutes every morning at work. When she isn’t at work, she texts me to ask me if I went out for my walk yet. Lol. That got me going on the consistent activity. But today I want to write about a wellness challenge that has really motivated me.

Tracy is a woman I went to graduate school with and we both earned our MSWs at the same time. Our kids go to the same school, have played on the same teams, and she is friends with one of my nieces. She encouraged me after learning about my hip osteoarthritis back in 2012 to take her cycling class (which, by the way, was a killer workout) to give my joints a break from running, and she has conquered her own health challenges and surgeries. She is inspiring.

My sister-in-law invited me to participate in an 8-week wellness challenge that Tracy was organizing. She had participated the 1st time Tracy did the challenge and encouraged me and my sister to join. The details of the challenge and the structure really intrigued me, which are explained below.

For 8-weeks, each person can earn a point per day in the following areas: 1) Journaling/tracking food intake and following a safe, healthy and nutritious eating plan of our choice, 2) drinking half your body weight in ounces of water, 3) exercising (and she leaves it to us to determine what we think is a workout, there is no minimum number of minutes required to earn this point) – and with exercise one can only earn a maximum of 5 points per week to encourage rest days, 4) getting at least 7 hours of sleep per night. We all took a picture of our scale with our starting weight and sent it to Tracy, and at the end of the 8 weeks we will take a picture of our scale with our ending weight. We can earn 1 point for each percentage of total body weight we lose. For example, if someone starts out weighing 200 lbs, they would earn 1 point for every 2 lbs they lost by the end of the challenge. We have sheets were we can record our points daily. One can earn a maximum of 26 points each week, and then additional points at the end with our final weigh-in. The people who did this challenge the first time don’t mess around. The previous winner didn’t miss ANY of their weekly points and lost weight. There is a $25 buy-in which is given to the winners at the end of 8 weeks. And she set up a FaceBook page for the members of the challenge so we always get little reminders, or encouragement, or ideas for meals and snacks.

I am used to keeping a food journal, and when properly motivated I can exercise 5 days per week. I was really intrigued with the sleep requirement. My sleep routine has been non-existent for almost a year and I’ve never given it much deliberate thought. I go to bed early when I am exhausted or I push myself and don’t get rest. There is no consistency.

We just finished up Week 2 of the challenge. I think I’ve missed only 1 sleep point each week so far when my schedule was a little off on that day. I have been tracking my food faithfully and paying attention to my calorie goals. I even track my “free days” or free meals. There is nothing like seeing that you ate a DQ Blizzard, or 4 slices of pizza from Rudy’s to make you more conscious of your food choices. I make my water intake daily. I’ve earned 5 exercise points per week. I started using MapMyWalk and synched it to my MyFitnessPal so it automatically posts my workouts and calorie expenditure to my food log. Although I began the challenge intending to do the Metabolism Miracle, my actual eating has turned into more of a carb counting routine. I keep my breakfasts and lunches to anywhere between 5-15 grams of carbs or less, I eat many vegetables, take my vitamins, and if I feel like eating some popcorn or a small handful of chips, or 2 soft tortillas in the evenings, I do it. I usually keep dinners to 2 carb servings or less. And guess what…..my weight seems to be just dropping off!! I believe it’s because the structure of this challenge encourages several healthy habits, not just food and exercise. I think it’s the sleep requirement that’s made the difference with me as well as being mindful of my carb intake and not restricting myself as much as before. My energy is evening out more each day…I don’t have as many dips and my energy lasts longer. And I feel smaller already.

So if you haven’t guessed it at this point, Tracy is amazing!!! This was so needed at this point and time and I’m having fun AND improving my health. Thank you again for organizing this!!

Back To School Motivation

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My kids start school THIS WEDNESDAY!! Although they love summer vacation, they miss their friends. I miss having a routine. We’re all looking forward to the beginning of the school year.

I felt like I was in a good groove at the beginning of summer, but then I started on a new medication for an old condition and it zapped my energy. Although I didn’t overeat because it killed my appetite, it felt impossible to get a workout in, cook, or do anything productive. Not for lack of food, I just felt lethargic all the time. My motivation to improve my health went in the tank for a little while. Thank goodness again for my support team (family). They helped me along in so many different ways. I’m finally getting used to my meds and figuring out different ways to gain more energy, so my motivation has returned.

My sister got me in the habit of walking with her for 45 minutes (using my work’s wellness leave policy) as soon as we get to work. I really look forward to our walks everyday. It’s a nice way to start the day, visiting and cackling around with my sister, it wakes me up and gives me energy, and I feel really good knowing I’m doing something that is making me stronger everyday and helping me battle pre-diabetes. Research has shown that consistent activity is much more beneficial than intensity. Meaning that a person who walks 45 minutes on most days (5-6 days per week) will have greater health benefits over time than a person who runs 3-5 miles 2-3 times per week. I had developed a habit of bringing my workout clothes to work and then getting busy working and not working out. So getting it done first thing in the morning has been awesome. My sister and kids have been the big motivators for the August powwow dance challenge we signed up for. I don’t feel like doing it half the time, but they bug me and I do it, and then I am glad I did. Lol. I can’t wait for the day I’ll feel better to where I am the big motivator again.

I’ve been cooking at home consistently, so I guess I should give myself props for that. That is actually a good indicator of my motivation returning, that I have the energy and make the time to cook. I’ve tried out a new recipe and it turned out great and is so easy! I’ll share it later in another blog entry. My husband told me that they all missed my cooking so we’re all glad my energy to cook has returned.

And today I started an 8-week wellness challenge organized by a former social work colleague. My sister and I, and my sister-in-law are all doing the challenge. I always think these types of things are fun, beneficial, and we’re competitive so that’s fun as well. We are in it to win it!!! Lol.

I’ve learned that my day, and how I feel, and how productive I am, is all set within the first 5 minutes of waking up. I’m doing gratitude writing exercises on most days, and I give thanks as soon as I wake up for everything. I know that the little things I can do each day are all adding up to better health, improving my physical, spiritual, and mental health. And when I feel healthy in all those areas I can be more of service to others.

August Powwow Dance Challenge

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It’s been a busy and eventful summer. So I’m back with this short blog entry while I’m drafting a longer one.

I’ve been traditional dancing all summer and I’ve really enjoyed it! I didn’t think anything could come close to my love of shawl dancing, but I’ve discovered that as long as I’m in the arena and I can move, it’s a happy place. I’ve also developed a deep respect for traditional dancers because dancing this style is much harder than it looks. There is a whole technique involved that I had to learn, and I’m still learning. And those wool dresses are HOT!!

Although I miss shawl dancing, I am determined to get back to it safely, gradually building my strength and stamina. I will most likely dance traditional all fall, winter and spring (with the occasional participation in jingle dress), as I’ll need to be careful on what surfaces I shawl dance on when I first come back to it. No concrete floors until I the new hip becomes used to the high impact activity again.

With those plans in mind, yesterday evening marked my slow, gradual return to shawl dancing. The Swirlies and I and my sister are participating in Jr. Miss Indian Youth of Lawrence- Evelyn SpottedHorse’s August “Powwow Dance Challenge” where we dance for 30 minutes each day during the month of August. The girls were all excited to start and got me going as soon as I got home from work. We all went into our family room and put my iTunes on a bluetooth speaker and we all just danced. I did a mixture of jingle, traditional and fancy shawl. We all just kept moving for 30 minutes.Got a good little workout in, broke a sweat, and the new hip felt good with all the activity.

Such an awesome idea from this young lady. If you want to get in on the fun and fitness, here is the info to get started. We came in 2 days late due to our travels but we will catch up by this weekend.

My Typical Day Now

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I am trying to practice consistency in all areas of my life…nutrition, physical activity, stress management, time management, studying for my LMSW exam….and my blog. To help facilitate making the blog portion of my daily life more consistent, I’ve created a Facebook page just for my blog. https://www.facebook.com/wozaniwaste/

One of my biggest decisions in the last few weeks was to give up trying to make deadlines for powwows. My friends and family know that I love to sew. It’s a form of stress relief. I sew for my entire family and I take orders for friends and families. Over the years I’ve developed a habit of what I would refer to as “binge sewing”….meaning I get frantic about meeting a deadline and I end up spending all my time trying to get an item done for a specific powwow, either for my family or for an order. Powwow beaders and seamstresses are well acquainted with this. Lol. It is anything but “stress relief”. What occurs in those instances is that my cooking and healthy eating go out the window. My sleep is little to non-existent. I don’t take the time to exercise because I’m too focused on getting something finished. And my time and attention is taken away from my kids and family. I decided two weeks ago that I am no longer going to do it. The cost to my health and my family’s health isn’t worth wearing a new item immediately at a powwow, or even fulfilling an order. I will have to get used to giving a much more generous estimate on completion dates for orders. My family will understand if I don’t get something done. And I can deal with my own impatience of wanting something done right away. At least I think I can…..haha.

I also asked one of my former students, and recent MSW graduate, to be my study partner so I can finally sit for the LMSW test. Leaving myself to my own devices has resulted in no studying getting done. So I reached out and we have made arrangements to meet once per week to study together. I even downloaded an app she sent that sends me one practice exam question everyday. I am proud to say I got my first question right today. Lol.

So….my typical day consists of the following:

I try to get at least 6-7 hours of sleep. When I wake up I drink 2 big cups of water and have my beloved coffee. I just drink it straight up…no creamer or sweetener. I have to take a synthetic thyroid pill every morning on an empty stomach to treat hypothyroidism (was diagnosed in my early 20’s), so I have to wait an hour before I eat anything. My breakfast after the hour is either a smoothie made with unsweetened cashew milk, natural PB, whey protein powder, a handful of spinach and ice cubes, or I poach an egg and eat it on a slice of low-carb toast. Or low-carb toast and PB. It’s rare that I have the time and alertness enough to make a veggie omelet. The Metabolism Miracle book has a good “hot cereal” that I like to make as well on occasion. On days where I am really rushed I just use a shaker cup and throw some cashew or almond milk and a heaping scoop of protein powder and run out the door.

I pack my lunch every day to take to work. My lunch box today consists of leftover steak and pepper stir fry, an Atkins protein shake, celery and natural peanut butter, and a bag of mini sweet peppers. There’s a water cooler at work so I keep a 32 oz water bottle at my desk and I try to drink 2 a day. This sames me money and I’m not tempted my restaurant food that’s not in my eating plan.

I have a membership to the wellness facility at my work. Costs me less than a dollar a day and they have an indoor track, weight machines, free weights, cardio equipment, basketball court, racquetball courts, and a small pool. I pack my workout bag every time I go to work (45-50 min drive from home) even if I don’t use it everyday. When I do use it, I use a combination of the cardio equipment, and yesterday I started in on the weights. I need to use the pool more but it’s a pain washing the chlorine out of my hair and trying to get back to the office within my allotted wellness leave time. If I run out of time to workout at work, I make sure I do something at home. Usually walking in my neighborhood with my girls. I’ve also been trying to do something during commercials if I’m watching TV, like squats or push-ups. Lately I’ve added the stadium steps once per week. That’s a killer so I don’t see myself doing that anymore that once every 7 days anytime soon. I try to do any activity for 45 minutes, the very minimum of 30 minutes per day, 6 days out of the week.

I may have mentioned in a previous blog entry that I have battled depression in the past. It’s something I try to stay on top of because I don’t like taking medication. I mean I will if necessary, I just try to manage things so that it doesn’t get to that point. Exercise can change and lift your mood in as little as a 15 minute walk. So not only is exercise important to my goal of getting rid of pre-diabetes, it is a powerful tool in my efforts to combat depression. I’ve also started a gratitude journal and I have my girls keeping a gratitude journal of their own. Staying optimistic is very important to health. Writing things down and practicing gratitude will change ones outlook for the better. Which is also very important to preventing depression and staying motivated on this health journey.

I try to cook as often as I can. I like to make extra of whatever I cook so we can have leftovers the next day. That saves me at least 3 nights of cooking every week. Lol. Once in awhile I would prep several meals in one afternoon and I haven’t been able to make the time to that in a long time. Something I need to prioritize because it was really nice to have a full meal that I just had to thaw and re-heat on very busy days, or post-powwow travel days.

We are in softball season now, so Joe B and I run practice or coach games 3 nights per week. Time management and prioritizing are essential. It has been testing my resolve from the 1st paragraph daily….do I cook or sew some more shells on the dentalium cape sitting on a table in front of the TV???? Of course I cook. But the answer even one month ago would have been “Are you kidding? SEW SHELLS ON THE CAPE!!!”

The biggest differences for me between now and 2 months ago are the daily activity and keeping my grams of carbohydrates to less than 5 net grams per meal and if I eat a snack before bedtime. And not obsessing over getting sewing done. That’s huge.

I try to patient with myself, reminding myself daily that it’s a journey, not a race. Which is why I don’t step on the scale anymore and just focus on today, and when I need extra motivation, I focus on my next A1c in August. Daily gratitude and daily focus. 🙂

New Health Challenges To Conquer

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I just re-read my last blog entry from April 8, 2016. I have a topic that’s been weighing on my mind since Monday April 25 – which is truly the day I have been referring to as the “first day of the rest of my life”.

Most of the people that are acquainted with me, know that I teach a culturally tailored diabetes class for a college with a student population that is 100% American Indian. I also teach Basic Nutrition. Type 2 Diabetes in American Indian populations has been my area of expertise since 2005. I love it and have a passion for it because of the strong family history of the chronic disease in my family and because I truly believe culturally appropriate education and family-based interventions can make a difference.

I get my blood glucose tested every year, as recommended by Indian Health Service. I know that preventive care is the only way to not get the chronic disease of diabetes. I’ve had a couple of hemoglobin A1c tests done and my results have always been within the normal ranges. I try to eat healthy and exercise has been a regular part of my life for years. Although sweets and homemade popcorn have also been regular parts of my life as well. 😛

So imagine my surprise when on a Sunday at home, April 24, I realized that my feet were tingling. They felt like they were falling asleep. I knew this would happen if I sat in an unpadded chair for too long, but as I was resting on the couch, I thought back to when I felt my feet tingle at other times. And I recalled that they had felt like that for a few days…no matter what I was doing…sitting, standing, laying down. My immediate thought was “diabetic neuropathy” and I wondered when my last fasting plasma glucose test was. So I called my doctor’s office the next day. The receptionist looked in my patient portal and was able to tell me that my last blood glucose test was during my pre-surgery physical at the beginning of December that is was “out of range”. She didn’t tell me how far out of range, she made me wait until my doctor’s nurse called, which wasn’t for another hour. I spent that hour freaking out and working out my anxiety on the recumbent stepper at my work’s rec facility.

When the nurse called she told me that my last fasting plasma glucose was 102 (anything above 100 could be considered the pre-diabetic range, diagnosed with further testing), which she said was a little high but my doctor wasn’t worried about it. I really like my doctor. I think she is amazingly skilled and I trust her completely. I can only assume that she wasn’t concerned because she knew my my lifestyle and felt it was a healthy lifestyle.  I told the nurse that I knew that was in the pre-diabetic range, and with my family history, I was concerned. So my doctor ordered an A1c that afternoon and I headed to the lab as soon as I left work (you don’t have to be fasting to take the A1c, and it measures a person’s average daily blood glucose levels for the past 2-3 months). I prayed my A1c would be below 5.7, which is the normal/healthy range – it means no diabetes or pre-diabetes. I had 5.5 or lower in my mind. I asked the lab tech if I could wait for my results (I know the test takes about 5-8 minutes to run) and she said I could. I waited and prayed for about 10 minutes after the finger stick. Then a nurse holding a baby and piece of paper with my lab results appeared and told me my results. An A1c between 5.7 and 6.4 means you are pre-diabetic. 6.5 and over means you could have Type 2 Diabetes. My A1c score was 6.1….which is right in the middle of the pre-diabetic range. Imagine the irony….the only thought flooding through my mind on the drive home was “The Diabetes Teacher has pre-diabetes.” I laughed to myself but it was a very bitter laugh. I was upset and disappointed in my myself and everything around me.

I came home and told my husband and children. I told my girls that I needed their support in getting my health back on track. I needed them to walk with me or do some type of activity everyday. I needed them to not complain about my meals being “too healthy” and that they needed to eat more vegetables with me. I told them I didn’t want to develop diabetes, but that I was headed in that direction and I needed to make changes NOW. They asked me if I made healthy changes if the pre-diabetes would be gone. I said yes. They were immediately all in. I won’t lie, it was a tearful conversation on my part. Sara just hugged me for a long time while Shelby told me she would walk with me everyday.

Joe B took them out to practice softball to give me more time to calm down. I started researching to find out if stress was the main cause of high blood glucose in otherwise healthy patients (this was me looking for something/someone to blame…lol). And I found some information that surprised the diabetes teacher.

There are 6 factors that can contribute to high blood glucose (high blood sugar). After reading the 6 factors, I realized that I had FIVE of those factors. The 6 factors are as listed, as well as how they fit in my overall health picture.

  1. Hormonal changes, such as pregnancy, perimenopause and menopause. I have this, I am perimenopausal and have been on a progesterone replacement for a year.
  2. Serious illness or major surgery. I have this, as my  hip replacement was a major surgery and occurred within the last 4 months.
  3. Stress. Always a part of life, but my stress since last October has been much higher than normal. I would describe it as “through the roof”. It’s getting close to being back to what I could consider a more normal level, but the stress was hell for over 5 months without relief.
  4. Use of corticosteroid medications, such as Prednisone. This is the ONE factor I do not have.
  5. Being overweight. Remember, I gained about 15 pounds after my surgery.
  6. Being sedentary. This was me as well. Once my physical therapy ended, I was so frustrated with how hard walking was that my activity levels were hit or miss. Mostly miss.

Finding this information had a very calming effect on me. 3 of the factors were out of my control (the stress I felt was inflicted on me, it took awhile to be able to deal with it), but they were either over or they could be managed. I knew I could change my eating habits and make myself do something most days out of the week. I felt calm enough to start to plan how to deal with this and take control of my health again.

The first thing I did was break out my copy of the book “The Metabolism Miracle” which is a low-carb eating plan designed for people that have what the author describes as Metabolism B (see Diana Kress’ blog page, twitter page, and Metabolism Miracle FB page for some preliminary information and how to order the newest version of her book). Joe B and I did this back in 2013 and we had good results, we just didn’t stay with it. I wanted something that will bring my A1c down in a healthy and efficient manner. I started with dinner that very same night of baked chicken and non-starchy vegetables, and started my next morning off with lean protein and vegetables.

The next thing I did was make a plan to move every day. I packed my workout clothes on the days I did my commute to KC. I walked when I worked in town or got on the elliptical machine at Thorpe Fitness Center. The day after my diagnosis I got on the elliptical for the first time a few months. I stayed on for 45 minutes and it was brutal. I did something every day for 6 days in a row. I was more sore than I could remember in a long time….just general muscle soreness as the new hip joint felt great.

(*By the way, my doctor followed up with me  the next day and told me she felt that my blood glucose was high because of all the changes to my diet and activity stemming from my surgery and recovery. She referred me to a dietician and felt that I wouldn’t have any problem bringing it back down with some changes to my diet and exercising more. She has a lot of faith in me. Lol).

My primary focus is on bringing my A1c score down. I feel like the weight loss is a secondary benefit. If I had trouble staying on the Metabolism Miracle plan before, or if I didn’t have the will or energy to walk, let me tell you this….there is NOTHING that will motivate you more than a diagnosis of pre-diabetes. I have been consistent. I have been diligent. I have been mindful. I share my daily progress with those closest to me. My diet consists of lean protein, non-starchy veggies, healthy sources of fat and LOTS of water. I’m doing all the things I’ve taught and recommended to my students to deal with or prevent diabetes. This was truly the kick in the butt that I needed to get me living healthy again instead of wallowing in my disappointment in how different my life has felt post-surgery. And I have my own cheering section of all 3 of my daughters, my husband, my family and extended family, and my best friends.

I’ve given up weighing myself every other day in order to eliminate potential sources of frustration. My focus is my blood glucose, not my weight. But when I did weigh myself almost 2 weeks ago, I had lost 11.5 pounds and I can fit back into the all the new work and summer clothes I bought last summer. I danced at a powwow last weekend and I had to move my dance belt back in to its original size. Before this, in April when I danced I had to move my belt out to its largest size. I can tell I’ve lost inches but I haven’t measured myself yet to see how many. I have more energy. That darned elliptical and my walking route with all the steep hills is finally getting easier. I tried out the stadium stairs once (they were as brutal as I remember them and I was only able to do one full set) and I am going back again with my daughter as soon as I finish this blog entry.

My good friend Kevin told me that this was all going to be a blessing. That I would be able to use my experiences in my teaching…showing my students and others that I’ve dealt with the beginnings of this disease, and showing them how I managed it. That it can be done. Sharing this experience is the first step.

I am counting the days (64!!!) until I go back for my follow-up A1c. 🙂  I didn’t want to share this at first because I was embarrassed. The diabetes teacher has pre-diabetes. But my maske’ Erica told me that it was nothing to be embarrassed about, it would just show people how hard this disease is to fight….for anyone.

16-Week Follow-Up Post-THR + Recovery Frustration

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Tuesday marked 16 weeks since I had total hip replacement on my right hip. This time I went to the appointment in workout pants that didn’t have any zippers so I wouldn’t have to change into the beautiful mesh shorts the doctor’s office provides to get the x-rays on my hip. The x-rays showed that my hip is healing nicely. There is no loosening of the device from the bone….he noted that my left hip looks bad (as it has since 2012) but he would leave it up to me as to when I wanted to get that hip replaced.

I was looking forward to having my non-impact exercise restrictions lifted and possibly be given the green light to get back to shawl dancing. He did reduce several of my restrictions. I can now squat or leg press up to 100% of my body weight (I was at 50% at my 6-week follow-up), I can pick up or deadlift up to 90 lbs (up from 40 lbs), and I can now do low-impact activity, such as Zumba or the modified T25 workouts, and continue with the walking, elliptical, stationary bike, swimming. I can also get back to pushing a prowler with weights, using my judgement on how my hip and muscles feel. But no attempts at returning to shawl dancing until I am 6-months post-surgery, which puts me at mid-June.

I’ll admit I was a little disappointed to hear that. But I’m realistic enough with myself to know that even in mid-June, had he given me the green light to return now, I wouldn’t be ready. I gained approximately 15 lbs since having my surgery. I feel like my muscle tone is zero. I’ve dealt with weight issues during my adult life, twice gaining and losing 30-36 lbs (NOT including pregnancy weight gain for my 2 daughters), and what feels different this time is that I always felt like I had a base to work from…even if I was overweight and out of shape, I still had a base of conditioning to build on. I don’t feel like I have that base in this instance.

I’ve said this to a few people…coming back after this surgery is harder than coming back after having 2 babies. After having both C-sections, I remember returning to the track to walk….and I couldn’t get my heart rate up enough for walking to feel like a workout, so I started walking the stairs. Not this time…even walking for distance is challenging. My muscles hurt. My arches hurt. None of the work clothes I bought last summer and fall fit me. I had to move my dance belt out when I danced traditional at KU powwow last weekend. And when I weighed and measured myself on Monday, I realized that I am the heaviest I have been in my adult life, not counting how much I weighed post-pregnancy.

This week was tough. I was beyond frustrated. I know now what people mean when they say they “raged inside”. Lol. That’s how I felt. I struggle with having patience, I want stuff to happen RIGHT NOW. So I started using my weight watchers app again on Monday, tracking my points, and my husband got all of us out for a walk after work. Wednesday I felt like I was coming unglued…my frustration with myself was hitting its peak, work stress piled up….I texted my adopted sister, letting her know how unglued I was becoming….lol. Then I grabbed my workout bag and headed for the rec center at my work. When I walked in I saw the recumbent step machine, just like the one they had at my physical therapy place. I used the 15-Minute Rule on myself, saying I would only get on that thing for 15 minutes then I was out of here. I listened to some Queen & David Bowie, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Steve Winwood while I pushed the pedals. Felt my nerves start to soothe. I did 20 minutes on the stepper and then set the machine for another 20. I felt so much better after. I felt like I got a good workout. I broke a sweat and I could tell my muscles did good work without anything else hurting. I felt calm. I felt optimistic. I was able to return to my work station and get a bunch of work done.

Yesterday I woke up not feeling much better than Wednesday. Some good talk about nutrition with MPH students and interns while working a career fair brightened my day. And then I got my family out for a walk while our dinner cooked. And once again, I returned feeling calm. Feeling optimistic. And I slept really good both nights.

Some people operate well by telling themselves “I HAVE to do this. I have no other choice.” I don’t do well with that type of self-talk. Telling myself that only increases frustration. I do believe I can do this now. I believe things are going to be ok. I’m getting back into the habit of tracking my food and generating ideas for healthy meals for my family. I feel like I’m finally ready to return to weight training, which always gave me good results. I am back to believing that walking will do me a world of good until I am ready to do more. I am looking forward to using that recumbent stepper more frequently until I feel like doing the elliptical. I have had several people tell me, “If anyone can come back from this strong, it’s you.”

I just need to keep telling myself that. Each and every day.

6 Successful Vegetarian Days

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We did it. We ate like vegetarians for 6 whole days. I’ve often wondered what it would be like and now I know.

I actually enjoyed my meat-free 6 days. I found myself eating a variety of grains and vegetables. I ate a little more dairy than I usually do, but I look at that as a good thing because of all the calcium and the protein found in dairy milk (I usually stick to almond milk which has little to no protein). The timing of the class I teach was awesome because we covered protein last week.  We looked at the benefits and some of the potential risks of vegetarian and vegan diets, such as becoming deficient in B12, and non-heme iron being harder to absorb than heme iron. I did some research on food combinations and saw the controversy from the plant-based diet people who don’t believe you need to combine different plant-based foods in order to complete the amino acid chains and get a complete protein. I reviewed my own nutrition course notes that says combining whole grain rice and beans, or grains and legumes, or grains and dairy, gives you a meal that has all the essential amino acids. Whatever side of the fence you fall on with the food combination argument, the idea that you need a variety of plant-based foods to create a healthy diet was just reinforced.

I have been trying to convince my husband for awhile now that we don’t NEED to have meat at every single dinner. I have proposed the idea of having one or two meals every week that are vegetarian, and that didn’t go over very well. However, now that he has seen that he can survive an entire 6 days straight with no meat, he is now open to the idea of a “Meatless Monday” or whatever day of the week we decide to this. Maybe now I can get my family to cut back on meat consumption by substituting more vegetables in meat dishes and by having the weekly vegetarian dinner. I am a bit more relieved about how my kids eat, that they actually will get a sufficient amount of protein from combining different plant based foods with a healthy and non-factory farmed source of dairy.

I weighed myself to see if I would lose any pounds during our week. I did not. Just goes to show you that eliminating meat from our diets (meat is very calorie dense) doesn’t necessarily mean you will lose weight. Different forms of dairy can be very calorie dense, as well as nuts and legumes. Also, eliminating meat from your diet doesn’t automatically mean all your food choices are healthy. Like one of my students said recently, “Chips don’t have meat in them.” Losing weight on a vegetarian diet is just like losing weight on the standard American diet: portion control, plenty of non-starchy vegetables & whole fruit, no sugar-sweetened beverages, limiting processed foods, being mindful of your sodium intake, and most importantly – paying attention to how you feel when you eat and stopping when you are either satisfied, or when you are no longer hungry.

This past week as also reinforced my motivation for another venture. Learning how to garden. The seeds Sara planted are sprouting and we are keeping them alive….if you knew how I have failed to keep house plants alive in my adult life, you would understand what a big deal that is. Shelby convinced me to buy a small mint plant awhile back and we have had to replant it in a bigger pot because it’s growing and growing. She wants to make her own mint tea and have mint for infused water and to put in lemonade. I am reviving the jade plant given to me as a gift. I am starting to believe that I will actually have a garden this summer and I am excited for me and my girls.

Being a vegetarian or wanting more plant-based foods in our diets isn’t just about health, it’s about sustainability. It’s about reconnecting with where our food comes from. This week was beneficial to me and my family in a multitude of ways. Now we just have to keep the momentum going.

Day 4 Vegetarian Meals & Reflections

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Day 4 Veg Meals

Yesterday was Day 4 and we are hanging tough. I’m actually enjoying this, but Joe B is starting to miss meat products. He keeps talking about the bacon and egg sandwiches and double cheeseburgers he plans to eat on Sunday.

I found out that instead of 7 days of vegetarian eating, it’s only 6 days. So we have today and tomorrow to go, then Sunday we are free to resume our omnivore ways.

My husband is reporting some mild stomach upset during the past 4 days. His explanation was, “Too many plants. Too much xylem and phloem.” That made me laugh. I want to give a shout out to my 7-8th grade science teacher Mr. Bertram and my high school science teacher Mr. Flak because I actually could recall what xylem and phloem were after more than 30 years and I was able to get the joke right away. That’s some good teaching right there.

I feel lighter after Day 4. Not lighter as in I think I’ve lost weight, but lighter as in all the vegetables, fruits and grains don’t feel as heavy settling in after a meal. This really hasn’t been that difficult for me, which has my husband worried because he’s afraid I will try to turn our family into vegetarians. Fear not, because again, I come from hunter-gatherer people….not just gatherers.

I’m surprised at the timing life has…yesterday my 11-year old came home after play practice and said “Mom, I want to be off chicken for at least a month. Maybe longer. I’m ok with meat like venison or bison, I just don’t want to eat any chicken.” She had watched a film at school about factory farm chickens and how they are treated as they are raised and processed for meat to be sold. It bothered her enough that she doesn’t want to eat anymore chicken or eggs. She said she’s not quite ready to see how feed lot cows are treated. I’m glad her school showed something like that, to help students understand where the majority of the domesticated meat in our diets come from. I think it will give me an opportunity to find a local farm that raises chickens, so I can take my girls for a visit and they can see what a local, sustainable part of our food system looks like. I’m hoping that if she decides to consume chicken and eggs in the future, that she will understand the need to find a local source for these things, and why I want to encourage my family to cut back on meat a little. It all starts with one person changing their view….lol.

Yesterday for breakfast I had a poached egg plus 1 egg white, on toast made from homemade honey whole wheat bread with organic butter, plus a whole orange and my black coffee. I had an avocado to put on the toast instead of butter, but I wasn’t feeling it yesterday. For lunch I made a big salad with romaine lettuce, celery, cucumber, diced apple, and I made my own vinaigrette dressing out of white balsamic vinegar, olive oil, dijon mustard, honey, and some salt & pepper. I also tried something called a Root Vegetable Pot Pie from The Merc and it was the best vegetarian thing I’ve tried so far. It was just like a chicken pot pie but from what I could see, it just had potato, onion and mushrooms in it. For dinner I made vegetarian lasagna from a recipe I found online. It was amazing!!! I was so anxious to eat it that I didn’t even bother to plate it with my salad and make it look pretty, I just took a snap of the pan after I cut some pieces out of it. Joe B liked it and said he didn’t even notice the lack of beef….and if you knew my husband you would know that this a quite a remarkable thing for him to say.

Today we have plenty of leftovers from Wednesday’s pizza and the lasagna last night, and my big bowl of salad, I just need to make some more dressing. And I still have some black bean quinoa salad to take to work. All in all, our vegetarian week is going well!