Tag Archives: native american

Tweaking The Routine

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I Snapchat my meals that I really enjoy and send to my friends and family. This is from this morning’s breakfast.

So, the habit stacking got derailed from travel 2 weekends in a row. Nephew’s basketball tournament and then a 50+ women’s tournament the weekend after. Did my best to eat good both weekends, but didn’t have the energy to meal prep or to prepare workday meals and snacks the night before. I’m so glad I went to both tournaments though. Love spending time with my sister and my nephew, got to see friends and family at the tournaments, and the 50+ women’s tournament was such an amazing experience that it deserves its own blog post. I am being more mindful of my social and emotional health, and the tournaments did give my heart a boost.

I’ve been tracking my foods but to be honest, I haven’t tracked everyday and on the days I do track, I don’t add everything I eat. Hence, the scale hasn’t moved and I’ve been feeling tired again. Also, when I do track my protein and I have my meals and snacks prepped, I realized that I am overeating….I’m finishing everything even if I’m full to make sure I get my protein in.

I feel like I haven’t quite hit on the right formula for my meals and snacks yet in order to see the results I want. So here are some of the tweaks I am going to try.

1- Slow down my eating, be mindful of how I’m feeling, and stop eating before I feel full or stuffed. I think that’s going to be really helpful right there, even if it cuts down on my protein intake in the short term.

2- Make sure I’m eating non-starchy veggies with my breakfast, lunch, and my snacks. Still save my carbs for dinner like sweet potatoes, quinoa, chickpea pasta, etc. Carbs at night help me sleep better.

3- Cut back on my dairy intake slightly and see if that makes a different. I love my cottage cheese and my yogurt, but I wonder if I have a little dairy sensitivity going on that is helping my body to hold on to some inflammation.

4- Find different food/meals/snacks that get my protein in without feeling stuffed. This will take some experimenting, some learning as I go, but I’m willing to put in this work because my health goals are everything to me right now.

This morning I wanted to put one of the tweaks into practice. I was hungry upon waking and but didn’t want eggs for some reason. So in my fridge I had a loaf of Dakota bread from Great Harvest Bread Co., some perfectly ripe avocados, leftover rotisserie chicken and some spinach. I toasted the bread, heated up the spinach and chicken in a pan with a little olive oil, mashed 1/4 of an avocado onto the toast, sprinkled some hemp seeds on the avocado, then topped it with the 3 oz of chicken and spinach, then sprinkled some Everything But The Bagel seasoning. This was soooooo good!! And I felt good after eating it. It was just the right amount of food where I didn’t feel full or stuffed, but satisfied. And it logged in at 35g of protein, 19 g of net carbs, and fulfilled about 25% – 35% of my magnesium, fiber, and Omega-3 goals!

I have to add that I’m surrounded by inspiring people. My sister is making astounding progress with her health, my oldest daughter Samantha has lost 30 lbs while being a busy mom and women’s health nurse, my middle daughter has lost 15 lbs on Noom and is doing PT to get her foot injury issues resolved, and my youngest is running track and very mindful of her nutrition. My husband is working on lowering his blood pressure and all his labs are good. Our family friend/brother lost 20 lbs during a weight loss challenge and he was laid up with a traumatic leg injury the whole time. He lost enough weight where his blood pressure came down quite a bit and his doctors have to adjust his medication.

I’ll keep the blog updated as I’m relearning this 55 year old bod. Sometimes I feel like I do not recognize or know this body anymore at all. That’s the frustrating part. But I value myself and my health enough to relearn myself.

Cortisol, Inflammation, and My Health

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I’ve got a different perspective on my current health and I’m trying something different. I’ll be posting AAAALLLLL the foods I’m eating for the next 6 weeks on my Facebook page for 2 reasons: 1) I want a record of what I’m doing, 2) I want to keep myself accountable and motivated. I am thinking about doing a weekly collective thingy to post here as well.

A little backstory: I will be 55 in 2 months and I will finally enter the Golden Age category (55+ years) at powwows. I wanted to hit my new age category running, so to speak. I want to be in good shape and I want to be shawl dancing. I’ve been walking, started running some intervals (restarted my CouchTo5K program), and hit the weights a few times. I even got a $10 monthly membership to Planet Fitness so I’ll always have a place to walk or lift. I walked/ran my first 5K on Thanksgiving Day, got all motivated to get back into 5K races, and then tested positive for Covid for the 2nd time (1st go-round was January 2022) two days after that run. The second round with Covid was much harder than the 1st. I took Paxlovid to lower my chances of long-Covid and I hope that works. I gained 10lbs in the weeks following my Covid bout with not much of a change in my eating habits. The weight gain went all to my belly and my neck. I feel anxious when I wake up. My blood glucose is still elevated. My energy crashes mid afternoon. And when my energy crashes all I want to do is eat. My muscles and joints are sore most of the time and I have headaches and have to take Advil every night just to be able to sleep. And the daily life of being a middle-school therapist and a mom to 3 adolescent girls (we added one this summer, retained guardianship of my youngest’s best friend), is mentally and emotionally stressful. I didn’t think adding one more kid would make that big of a difference in how busy we are. But we learned quickly that it makes a significant difference. I joined Noom to get some structure back into my everyday life and started a wellness journal. However, nothing really helped. The scale moved 3 lbs in a month with some diligent effort on my part.

I’m so thankful for the knowledge and insight I received over the weekend from my sister’s personal trainer Lisa Allen. I’m also glad I had the courage to be transparent with her and tell her everything that has been going on with my health since my Covid bout, the weight gain, and how I feel from day to day. With her experience and education, she believes that my cortisol levels are high from being sick, from stress (it’s been a very rough time the last 2 years). And that those two factors are contributing to my body holding onto inflammation. She thinks my weight gain looks more like inflammation than body fat, especially where I’m holding on to the weight. She explained how cortisol works, what contributes to high levels and inflammation, and she recommended a very doable plan to help myself feel better, to bring down the inflammation that my body is holding onto. She really believes that I’ll notice a difference in how I feel within 6 weeks.

I started Sunday with this regimen but didn’t think to start documenting until today. I’m committing to 6 weeks of changes in my day-to-day living in hopes that I’ll feel better and my systems will start to heal. The changes involve refraining from doing things that my body will read as “stress”. That means I’m not doing keto, and no intermittent fasting. My body can produce more cortisol if I’m in ketosis or fasting because it signals stress in response to hunger. No intense workouts (just walking, light weight training), and jealousy guarding my sleep schedule. No all-night or even late-night binge sewing or beading for the next 6 weeks. I will be drinking all the water, and taking magnesium glycinate, Vitamin D, Omega-3 and Vitamin B complex supplements. My goal is to work up to eating 130g of protein each day from real food. Eating at regular intervals, all of this so my body doesn’t feel stress from workouts, hunger, or sleep deprivation. And saving my carbs for later in the day (I heard that referred to as “back-loading my carbs”). I’m going to watch my intake of processed carbs and bread, and keep my sugar intake low. I’m thinking this 6 weeks would be a good time to try regular/consistent yoga.

And this….yes, I’m actually saying this….I’m cutting down on my beloved COFFEE!!!!!

For years I’ve woken up and dove into my bucket of coffee. On an empty stomach, and then didn’t eat until anywhere between 10am-Noon. I didn’t realize that coffee first thing in the morning on an empty stomach was driving up my cortisol levels, which are already naturally high first thing in the morning. I did the coffee on an empty stomach and waited to eat because I thought that extended my overnight fast was good for my blood glucose. However, that habit is actually working against my health goals. I have a continuous glucose monitor and I noticed that my blood sugar is all over the place while I’m sleeping. That’s the cortisol and inflammation.

So, here we go with the first of the food pictures.

My breakfast today: 2 whole eggs, 2 egg whites, 1 cup of spinach, 1/2 cup mushrooms, and about 1.5-2 oz of leftover baked salmon, with a cup of green tea. I’m cutting down my coffee gradually to avoid caffeine withdrawals, so I had 1 cup of coffee after I ate. It’s a big change from the 2 huge mugs of coffee I would have every morning, plus another from my office Keurig once I got to work. I actually felt good yesterday and today with just green tea and a little coffee. Maybe I just need a hot drink in the morning and it doesn’t necessarily have to be caffeinated. Until then, I will be saving my coffee to drink after my breakfast.

This was really filling, so I ate half and I was full, packed up the rest for a mid-morning snack. My lunch is a 5 ounce piece of leftover baked salmon, and some leftover roasted asparagus. My afternoon snack is blueberries, walnuts and yogurt. My plan for dinner is Rao marinara sauce with grass-fed beef, with chickpea pasta, and a salad with my homemade vinaigrette.

I’m looking forward to this, and really looking forward to feeling better.

Recovery From Another Injury

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My left total-hip replacement surgery recovery was going great until January 1st. I was all pumped up to working back into walking for exercise and not just rehab, and then I slipped on the bottom tile floor at the base of my stairs and landed in a crazy hurdlers stretch with my left leg/ankle/foot folded under my left hip.

I’ve not had an ankle sprain that bad in my entire life. I do acknowledge that I’ve never been 52 years old and fallen like that either, so there’s that. I ended up with an inner and outter ankle sprain, pain and discoloration on top of my foot, and pain in my knee, and up into my hip flexors. My foot and cankle were all bruised up, my left knee had some swelling, my hip was sore, and I ended up back to using my cane for almost a week.

To say I was frustrated and discouraged is to put the emotions I was feeling mildly. I was angry that I slipped, angry that my progress back to normal activity and my own physical wellness was abruptly halted. And true to my usual “just push-through-it” self, I automatically shifted to what I could do, and started chair exercises. But that hurt my hip as well so my chair exercise career was short-lived.

I did have it in my mind to let my ankle heal. I stayed off it as much as I could, ice, Tylenol, etc. But 3 weeks later there was still swelling in my ankle and knee and my hip was still sore. So I brought it up to my orthopedic surgeon at my 16-week follow-up last week.

He looked at my x-rays and saw that my new hip was perfectly fine. No damage done there, and what I was feeling was inflammation from some soft tissue damage (sprains and strains). He felt the best course of action was to put me back on Meloxicam for 6 weeks to bring down the inflammation so I could get back to normal. I was bummed when I heard his suggestion. I was on Meloxicam since 2016 to manage the pain in my left hip before replacement. It felt good to come off of it before my surgery in October and know I wouldn’t need it anymore. So this felt like a big set-back. I kept telling myself that it was a short-term course of medication treatment and it was moving me towards full healing. But I still didn’t like it and it weighed heavily on my mind and affected my mood.

I do have to say that I’ve been on it for 6 days, and the swelling and pain in my ankle and knee are much lower. I was able to take my dogs for a walk 2 days this week and the ankle and knee felt good. So that’s a plus. But I’m feeling side effects of the Meloxicam this time around….I have felt tired since last Friday, 7 days now. Even with plenty of sleep, I feel tired. And my stomach is upset for most of the day, which impacts my appetite and what I feel like eating.

Meloxicam is the type of medication where it takes about 2 weeks to build up in your body and reach optimum therapeutic levels. So I have another week to go and I’m hoping I will be used to it and the side effects will go away. I enjoy feeling like moving. I’m able to take the stairs at work without twinges of pain in my ankle and knee and that feels really good. My sister sent me a link to a stretching video and that helped me feel good physically as well.

Sooooooo….I am hoping to write more to help process all this stuff. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. And I’m still learning how to identify what I’m feeling instead of covering it up with positivity or being busy doing stuff. There’s something in all this that is serving as a learning experience for me, about me. My higher power wants me to be healthy and well, physically, spiritually and mentally. Maybe if I’m still enough and don’t fight it, whatever I am to learn about myself will come to me.

Bone Broth – 1st Batch

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Ta-daaaaaa! My 1st batch of bone broth is complete. And frankly….I’m not quite sure what to think. Lol.

It’s very dark. It looks like coffee. And feels rather thick when I drink it. It has somewhat of an earthy taste to it. It’s very rich.

I used beef marrow bones and let it simmer for 70 hours. I did NOT roast the bones first, which is something I will attempt with the next batch. It did not gel when it cooled, but from what I understand it’s because I didn’t use any bones with cartilage or connective tissue. Something else I will try with my next batch. I strained with some cheesecloth so it’s not cloudy at all, but it’s so thick you can’t see through it in the jar anyway.

I was surprised how much it cooked down. I started out with a little over 6 quarts of water to 3 lbs of beef marrow bones and I think I ended up with a little over 2 quarts of broth. I didn’t know if I should dilute it, or what. So I’m drankin it straight up. Lol.

If anyone has any words of wisdom with this bone broth making process, I would love to hear it.

So now I sit here and sip….and wait for all the healing properties to kick in. Any minute now….any minute now. 😁😊

Trying My Hand At Homemade Bone Broth

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Trying my hand at making homemade bone broth. I bought 3 lbs of local beef bones yesterday at Steve’s Meat Market in DeSoto, KS. So there’s the 3 lbs of bones, onion, carrots, celery, red and green bell pepper, pink Himalayan salt and black peppercorns, sitting in a large stock pot. I let the bones soak for 30 minutes in water and 2 Tbs of organic apple cider vinegar (the kind that includes the “mother”) first. Now it’s heating up and it has to simmer for at least 24 hours. I’ve been reading about the benefits of bone broth: gut healing properties, help with inflammation, relief for the symptoms of arthritis, joint and muscle repair. It’s an excellent source of calcium and magnesium for people who don’t have access to dairy products. So THAT’S how we got our calcium back in the day!! Back when we as Native people were the healthiest people on the planet. 😊

I’ll keep you posted on how it turns out.

Gut Health and Healing From A Cellular Level

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Some of the lifestyle changes I’m in the process making are about my health, and not necessarily about losing weight. I want my body to heal and to become strong from the inside out. I want to heal at a cellular level, if that helps explain my mindset. My desire to make positive change feels that deep. I’m making changes for healing my body, my mind and my spirit.

I’m not about making huge sweeping changes and being obsessive about cutting out types of foods. Except for artificial sweetener. That’s gone for good. I am absolutely loving being without artificial sweeteners. It’s 3 weeks now since I gave it up. I continue to not have sugar cravings. When I do eat something sweet, it’s a deliberate decision. Not one based on stress or other emotions. I am finding though that I am indulging in sweets very little. It’s really nice not to feel like I’m fighting cravings all the time. That was getting so frustrating. It was like a weight hanging around my neck that I couldn’t shake. That weight is gone and so is any guilt about indulging occasionally. The cravings being gone gives me some space in my head to think about whether I really want something, and also has helped my creativity in coming up with sweet treats made from real food when I want to indulge.

I’ve also been asking questions via FB messenger of a former coworker, a dietician, about artificial sweeteners. She told me how some artificial sweeteners can change the Ph in your gut, and may kill gut bacteria. Losing gut bacteria may lead to some gut permeability and then inflammation. In my case, inflammation leads to increased hip pain, but I also learned that it’s a big risk factor for heart disease and chronic conditions like type 2 diabetes, and possibly lupus and RA.

So then I had to look up “gut permeability” and found out it’s called “leaky gut syndrome”. I’d heard of it before but had no clue what it was. What I read wasn’t fun. But it made sense to me. That’s a whole ‘nother blog post because it’s very science-y. But it made me realize how quitting artificial sweeteners is the beginning of the healing process for my gut.

I remain surprised and grateful for the huge difference I’ve felt in my hip pain since giving up artificial sweetener. And if it’s related to healing my gut, then I want more of that. I’ve began drinking kombucha since last fall, and this weekend I’m going to give bone broth a whirl. Plain Greek yogurt is always in my fridge, as well as fruits, veggies, and healthy fats like avocados and nuts.

Friends and family, you have no idea how thankful I feel to finally start feeling better. I have a spring in my step for the first time in a long time. My mood has improved. And I appreciate the taste of food so much more than before. The changes feel good. And there are more changes we’ve been making that I will write about soon. Drop a comment below if you have had similar experiences. I would love to hear your stories.

Self-Care

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I had a really good conversation with a friend a few weeks ago at a powwow in Durant, OK. Part of the discussion was about self-care. How important it is, and the different ways she has found to do this for herself. 

My boss and colleagues talk about self-care. We are therapists so it’s vitally important to us and our clients that we stay healthy: physically, mentally and emotionally. Speaking only for myself, I add spiritual health to the list. Self-care is for everyone because we all have our own stress that is unique to each one of us. 

I honestly used to believe that self-care meant a pedicure or massage, or making sure I get a workout in. Massages and pedicures cost money, and many times I don’t want to spend the money. Sometimes I’m too tired or busy to workout, or it feels too strenuous to be self-care….sometimes it seems like self-torture, and who wants to do that? 

After we got our dog, I quickly discovered how therapeutic a loving dog truly is. He loves to snuggle, as the picture shows. I can always feel my stress melt away when he, and now our 2nd dog Sissy, come running to greet me after work. I realized how much our big puppies contribute to our wellbeing and how they contribute to our self-care needs. 

So here is another bulleted list, this time of self-care ideas. Some from my friend and some I’ve discovered myself. And most of them cost little to nothing except time. 

  • Coffee at home in quiet and solitude 
  • Reading a book
  • Taking a walk
  • Walking or snuggling my big puppies 
  • Having friends/family over for a simple breakfast/lunch/dinner
  • Watching a TedTalk on YouTube
  • Taking a bath. I did this recently and used Epsom Salts, lavender oil, a pure beeswax candle, and played my music on a Bluetooth speaker
  • Actually picking up the phone and calling a friend or family member to visit. So much better than texting. 
  • Sitting outside in the evening after it’s dark and looking at the sky
  • Using a meditation app
  • Getting out of the house to do something not work or housework related – go watch a youth or high school or local college game
  • Check out a new walking path in your city
  • Laugh
  • Dance 
  • Bake something from scratch and enjoy with a cup of your favorite hot beverage
  • Write in a journal 
  • Breathing exercises
  • Self-massage techniques
  • Go to a meeting (if in a 12-Step program)
  • Plan a game night with friends
  • USE the fancy coffee mug for your morning coffee
  • Visit your local library
  • Paint ceramics
  • Color with crayons or markers or pencils, either free-hand or a coloring book
  • Have a morning ritual that involves spirituality and gratitude 
  • Make a new music playlist 

These are just some ideas that I hope gets people thinking about how they can take care of themselves. I’ve learned the importance of nourishing not only my body, but my mind, my heart and my spirit. I can’t be my best for my family or my job if I ignore what I need. 

No More Excuses

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I’ll be honest. I am an awesome, one of the best really, “excuse-makers”.

I can find a reason (read: excuse) for anything. I believe I honed this skill in my early college years where I earned a plethora of “W” (withdraw) and “I” (Incomplete) grades that still show on all my transcripts. I’ve used this skill to account for slacking on schoolwork, graduate papers, studying, housework, balancing my checkbook, sewing, beading, doctor’s visits (such as my annual mammogram), eating healthy, and working out. I’ve gotten by because I can usually pull something together at the last minute. I know my life is much simpler when I force myself out of my excuse-making tendencies, but that doesn’t keep me from making excuses consistently in order to enable my mindset. 🙂

This is a wellness blog. Yet my blogging is sporadic because I’ve come up with some of the best excuses for either not blogging consistently, or not practicing wellness habits consistently. Some of them were very valid at the time….I’ve had good honest reasons why I’ve fallen off the wellness wagon time and time again. But once those reasons or issues have been addressed and I still am not back on the wagon again…then they become an excuse.

So…in an effort to be brutally honest with myself….here are my best “reasons” for the past few years for not feeling like I was capable of practicing healthy habits. 2012 I remember as my last best year for wellness….I was running 5K races consistently and I felt great about myself. So let’s start there.

  1. Hip Osteoarthritis – this was a biggie. The OA diagnosis and the inevitable total hip replacement was huge. Mentally and emotionally it was tough…having to face the prospect on never shawl dancing again or running again. Then the actual hip pain made it hard to workout, and even harder to want to work out.
  2. Depression – this stemmed from the OA diagnosis, the unknown of total hip replacement surgery, not finding a good coping mechanism besides running, surgery recovery, marital issues, a pre-diabetes diagnosis, and job dissatisfaction. I often felt alone and lonely in my depression, which made motivation scarce and just about non-existent.
  3. Career Change – I wanted to get out of community health administration, and out of the 100 mile round-trip daily commute, and go back into clinical social work at a local agency. I needed to job search, study for my licensure exam, and get out of my comfort zone to follow my passion. That was all extremely stressful and daunting and I didn’t know if I could do it.

Those are the major ones. Every single one of them I allowed to take precious time away from me and what I wanted to do take care of me and my family. I was able to find a million excuses for not treating my body and my spirit well out of all of those 3 big categories. All 3 categories all fed off each other as well and just made things seem bigger and bigger and bigger, until I was overwhelmed on the regular.

So here is where I’m at now and where the excuses end.

  1. Hip OA – I’ve had one hip replaced and know exactly what to expect with my 2nd surgery. My recover was, upon reflection, fairly easy due to my age and my physical strength prior to surgery. My right hip has no more pain and normal range of motion. I got clearance to begin training to shawl dance last June, and I actually danced in a fancy shawl special at KU powwow last month. My left hip is still bad but I know with weight loss and supplements, and possibly a cortisone shot, I can put off surgery for another year or so. My arches hurt from the excess weight, but I have good shoes with arch supports for work and working out.
  2. Depression – I’ve been managing the symptoms with anti-depressant meds. I feel much more positive and self-sufficient than last year at this time. I am getting ready to start tapering off my meds now that things that overwhelmed me have settled down. We got a dog and he is the best thing for mental health. He is awesome and brings so much joy to us. My marriage is much better due to praying together daily. I am finding walking very enjoyable, especially with my big puppy. My sleep has improved and I don’t feel the food cravings often associated with a depressed mood. I went on a social media fast and that was an eye-opener…how the negativity on social media can permeate your brain and your mood. My now-elevated mood helps me feel motivated. I downloaded “The Secret Daily Teachings” app on my phone and it always has good positive words that I read every morning.
  3. Career Change – I successfully passed my master social worker licensure exam. I found an awesome job as a therapist at a local community mental health center. I work in a middle school so I work school hours. My job is 3.5 miles from my home. I love this work…the kids are awesome and so are the staff here. I worked through any internal difficulties I was having at my old job and I was able to leave on good terms….which felt amazing.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and my husband and kids gave me gifts all designed to get me healthy and strong again….new runners, new running tops, phone armband. I can’t use time as an excuse because I am home shortly after my kids get home. So I have time to cook earlier, time to get housework done, and time to walk or do something with my kids. I truly have no more excuses. I’m sure I can find some, since I’ve gotten so good at it over the years. I need to use my powers for good and not idleness. Lol. I should turn it around and make excuses TO BE HEALTHY for once.


So TODAY is the day of “No More Excuses”. It’s Day 1. I got my baseline info for Day 1 in the form of weighing myself and taking a picture. 🙂 I overslept this morning and ALMOST caved and said “Day 1 can start tomorrow.” Hahahaha. But I didn’t. That’s a good sign. See, I could have easily used that as an excuse to delay Day 1 but I did not.

I made myself take a few minutes for breakfast instead of running out the door since I was running late. My vanilla strawberry smoothie with cashew milk, vanilla Weight Watchers smoothie mix and 1 cup of fresh strawberries was only 1 carbohydrate serving.  My plan today is either to walk Mickey or ride the new bike my dad got me for my birthday (lack of a bike was a prior excuse to not exercise when my joints were hurting). I have a place to workout at the Sports Pavilion if the weather is bad. They have a nice indoor track and good cardio equipment.

I need to make myself accountable, so I will do my best to jot something here each day. I want to document this new journey. This is more for me than for you, but if you get something positive out of it as well, then that’s a bonus.

Here we go. Day 1. I’ll write later how it goes. #Letsdoodis

 

Time to Get Real Again…

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I never want this blog to become a “tell-all”…meaning where I pour my heart out like my blog is a diary. Yet I want to be a “truth-teller” like my new favorite author Glennon Doyle Melton as well. I don’t think I am as brave as her, so I have to find a happy medium…a balance of using my voice and sharing my experiences in hopes of helping someone else, sharing wellness information in a way that is engaging, all with the goal of “wellness” for myself and family clearly in sight.

I attended a powwow in Milwaukee, WI this past weekend and I felt very humbled when dancers and singers approached me saying they enjoyed reading my blog, or asking me how my blog is going. I was honest with one friend and told her that my blog has been hit or miss…it’s been difficult to write because of something that’s going on that I’m finding difficult to share. I decided I needed to be myself, make it real on here, in hopes that it will help someone down the road.

I have a history of depression. My history was a big part of the reason I studied psychology and social work when working on my degrees. I wanted to understand it and be able to help not only myself, but others, because depression sucks big time.

In addition to fact that depression sucks, it also has a stigma about it. I’ve learned that depression is not the result of being weak, or that I can’t handle business. It’s a result of chronic stress (physical or emotional) that can cause an imbalance of the chemicals in your brain responsible for that sense of well-being, or having what you might consider a “normal” mood or temperament. Those chemicals are called neurotransmitters. Your body likes to maintain things…keep the inner workings on an even keel (i.e. your blood pressure, blood glucose, body temp, etc.) and this phenomena is called “homeostasis”. Your body likes to be in balance and it will work to keep your systems and the chemicals that make up your systems within a certain range. Same with the chemicals called neurotransmitters. There is one called seratonin which helps regulate your mood. If these levels are too high or too low, your mood and behavior can be affected. Your body will work to keep these within a range it likes, but chronic stress, illness and other factors can cause the seratonin levels to become lower, or “depressed”. Under healthy circumstances your body may be able to bring these levels up on its own. Or you can do things that will temporarily elevate seratonin levels, such as exercise, eating nutrient dense foods, getting enough sleep, and getting sunlight to produce Vitamin D, to give your body help in raising those levels. And sometimes the seratonin levels stay depressed for so long that your body can’t bring them back up within the appropriate range on its own and it needs a medication called a SSRI (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor).

People experience and exhibit depression symptoms in many ways. Depression can either make them anxious and sleepless, or make them fatigued and sleeping all the time. It can affect your appetite…some people overeat, some lose their appetite. Some people feel like crying, some people get angry or even apathetic. Some people experience muscle tension and headaches, or aches in other parts of their body. There is no predicting where in your body the stress of depression will manifest itself. There are a variety of ways depression presents itself. And a variety of ranges. Most people think that clinical depression means you can’t get out of bed, you can’t stop crying, etc. But there is a form of depression called “dysthymia” which would be considered a low-grade depression. You are fully functioning, get out of bed every single day, hold a job, etc., but you feel like shit each and every day with no end in sight. You don’t LOOK depressed (whatever that means) and you don’t exhibit the stereotypical depressive behaviors. And then there is major depression which feels like you’ve hit rock bottom. Suicidal thoughts/ideation can occur in this condition, which is why it’s so important to let someone know and to seek help.

For me, when I was younger and going through my first bout of depression, my appetite changed where I ate junky food and didn’t feel like exercising. I slept all the time. I was moody and just didn’t feel good, felt like crying many times. As I got older and went through a bout of major depression, my symptoms changed quite a bit. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I felt like I couldn’t stop crying. I remember watching the clock in my room at 3:30am, crying, hanging on tight to a pillow and the edges of a blanket, feeling like I wanted to throw up, and just telling myself to hang on for another 5 minutes….just another 5 minutes and I’ll be ok. And I ran every day…I felt like if I didn’t run, I wouldn’t be able to breathe. Where I gained weight in an early bout of depression, I lost weight in that later bout. I didn’t want anyone to know so I just explained the unusual and sudden weight loss with “I got really sick and couldn’t eat.” Which was, in fact, the truth, it was just presented cleverly to hide what type of “sick” I was. Lol. My mom finally took me to the doctor to get help…it’s still a bit of a painful memory….I was helping her make the bed and I don’t remember exactly what I did or said…and she looked so sad and said she wanted me to see her doctor because she didn’t know how to help me. Her doctor did in fact see me and help me. I was prescribed Zoloft and I took it for several months and then I was fine. I still couldn’t sleep on that darn medicine, but at least I didn’t feel like I was losing my mind anymore.

As I have a history of depression, I’ve always tried to be mindful of it, and do what I can to prevent it when I know I am going through a challenging time. I also try not to hesitate to get help because I don’t want to go through major depression again. I always remember when my daughter was a toddler she told me one time, “Oppression hurts….but Cymbalta can help.” Lol (a commercial for a new anti-depressant). Random, I know, but somehow connected to this whole thing. About 5 years ago after I had been at my current job for almost a year, I felt myself start to slide downhill. I had to commute everyday an hour away because I had lost my 2 days of working in town as I was promised when I was first hired. I had to carpool so I had to leave earlier and arrive home later than if I drove myself. I never saw the light of day because the building I was in I never had to leave during the day. I would get home from work between 6:00-6:30pm after it was already dark outside and would get to spend exactly 2.5 hours with my babies before I had to get them to bed. It really sucked. My sleep and appetite were changing and so was my mood so I went in to see my doctor. I thought it was the lack of daylight causing my symptoms and I believed I had seasonal depression. When she told me I had dysthymia and she wanted to put me on an anti-depressant I started laughing. I told her, “Can’t you just give me a lamp (for vitamin D production) or something?” Lol…although she thought that was funny, I was given a medicine called Citalopram that I had to take for several months before tapering off of it, and once again, I became ok.

This last year has been one of the most challenging years I can remember in my relatively short lifetime. Looking back now, I think I started my downhill slide last summer as I worried about my impending surgery. I didn’t really talk to anyone about it, unless I was talking about how I was preparing for it. I didn’t want to worry anyone. And then I watched a video of a hip replacement surgery, and let me tell you don’t ever do that before major surgery. Bad idea. Very very bad. Then there was a series of stressors without much of a break to recover….my marriage hit a very tough time in October of last year, my aunt – my mom’s oldest sister passed away in November, then there was my surgery in December. Then the surgery recovery and the physical therapy in January. My mom had a heart attack in February. My beautiful oldest daughter Samantha went through a huge heartbreaking ordeal in March and she was 5 hours away from us. In April I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. It was one thing after another….with me fighting for my health and what felt like my sanity the entire time, determined to not give in to depression. I had requested something from my doctor early in the year to help with what I thought was just occasional anxiety, so she gave me prescription for Xanax. That helped somewhat…I laughed and told people that I literally had a “chill pill” as it calmed me down when my anxiety made it difficult to focus and work. But in June I hit rock bottom. I couldn’t get out of the house to leave for work on a Friday. I sat at my computer trying to do something and couldn’t stop crying. I felt like I had lost my mind. I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in months, my appetite was all out of whack, I had started SMOKING, my work was suffering, and my mood was starting to affect my kids. I felt truly broken. Everything I had tried to help myself felt like a complete failure. I felt like I was giving in….saying “uncle”….waving the white flag….when I dialed the phone to call my doctor to tell her I needed help. And I just prayed I could hang in there for the weekend until my appointment. I was diagnosed with major depression once again. I am back on an anti-depressant for 6 months and I see a counselor regularly.

On a lighter note, my meds have helped me immensely. They help to even out the really rough jagged edges. They have given me a better quality of sleep where I actually feel rested when I wake up in the morning. My emotions don’t roller-coaster as much. I can focus better. They at first made me feel kind of “out of it” at first, then I started taking them at night before I go to sleep. However, they make me a little absent-minded, and, according to my husband, they cause me to have no-filter. The most random, oddball stuff has come out of my mouth…ask anyone who knows. It’s mayhem at times, but in an odd, hilarious, good way. My motivation is returning…motivation to be active, to cook, to get things done, and to find coping mechanisms that work for me again without medication. I will be glad when I am well enough to taper off of them, hopefully in December.

Because of all of this, it’s been hard to figure out what to write about this summer…well, actually for the past year – except for my surgery and recovery. On the one hand, I don’t want to be spilling my business out there for everyone to see. I’m not looking for pity or sympathy, and once again there it that stigma of depression I want to not be attached to. But on the other hand, my whole intent with this blog was to share my struggles and my victories in seeking good health, in hopes that it would help me by writing it, and possibly help others by reading it. My state of well-being has a direct impact on those closest to me. My husband has told me in the past that I have to stay strong and stay up for our little family…that if I go down, they’ll all go down with me. That I’m their backbone. And I’m learning that being a strong backbone doesn’t mean I have to do it by myself. It means finding the strength to ask for help. It means that there is no shame in seeking help in the arms and ears of your sisters and best friends…or seeking the help of a counselor…or seeking spiritual help….or seeking the assistance of a temporary medical/pharmaceutical regimen. And I am beginning to believe that it means being strong enough to share your battle story with others without the fear of an outdated stigma surrounding depression.

This is my battle and I’m doing my best in fighting it. I am not ashamed of it, not trying to front. Just trying to deal. And I am taking pride in that.

8-Week Wellness Challenge

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First of all, I want to say right off the bat that I have succeeded at losing 17 lbs since my highest weight post-total hip replacement surgery!! That means I lost the 15 lbs I gained post-surgery, plus an additional 2 lbs. I have 5 more lbs to go to hit my 1st major goal. My youngest told me today, “Mom, you’re getting skinny.” Lol. Even though “skinny” isn’t my goal, regaining my health is, it was still nice to hear that someone noticed some progress.

My eating and workouts kind of went up and down over the summer, as those who powwow understand the disruption of routines, driving for hours, dancing all weekend, not always having access to the healthiest of foods, packing a cooler, etc. The healthy habits could have been better, they could have been much worse. I concentrated this summer on not beating myself up over slip-ups and just trying to get back on as soon as I can.

My sister got me in the habit of walking for 45 minutes every morning at work. When she isn’t at work, she texts me to ask me if I went out for my walk yet. Lol. That got me going on the consistent activity. But today I want to write about a wellness challenge that has really motivated me.

Tracy is a woman I went to graduate school with and we both earned our MSWs at the same time. Our kids go to the same school, have played on the same teams, and she is friends with one of my nieces. She encouraged me after learning about my hip osteoarthritis back in 2012 to take her cycling class (which, by the way, was a killer workout) to give my joints a break from running, and she has conquered her own health challenges and surgeries. She is inspiring.

My sister-in-law invited me to participate in an 8-week wellness challenge that Tracy was organizing. She had participated the 1st time Tracy did the challenge and encouraged me and my sister to join. The details of the challenge and the structure really intrigued me, which are explained below.

For 8-weeks, each person can earn a point per day in the following areas: 1) Journaling/tracking food intake and following a safe, healthy and nutritious eating plan of our choice, 2) drinking half your body weight in ounces of water, 3) exercising (and she leaves it to us to determine what we think is a workout, there is no minimum number of minutes required to earn this point) – and with exercise one can only earn a maximum of 5 points per week to encourage rest days, 4) getting at least 7 hours of sleep per night. We all took a picture of our scale with our starting weight and sent it to Tracy, and at the end of the 8 weeks we will take a picture of our scale with our ending weight. We can earn 1 point for each percentage of total body weight we lose. For example, if someone starts out weighing 200 lbs, they would earn 1 point for every 2 lbs they lost by the end of the challenge. We have sheets were we can record our points daily. One can earn a maximum of 26 points each week, and then additional points at the end with our final weigh-in. The people who did this challenge the first time don’t mess around. The previous winner didn’t miss ANY of their weekly points and lost weight. There is a $25 buy-in which is given to the winners at the end of 8 weeks. And she set up a FaceBook page for the members of the challenge so we always get little reminders, or encouragement, or ideas for meals and snacks.

I am used to keeping a food journal, and when properly motivated I can exercise 5 days per week. I was really intrigued with the sleep requirement. My sleep routine has been non-existent for almost a year and I’ve never given it much deliberate thought. I go to bed early when I am exhausted or I push myself and don’t get rest. There is no consistency.

We just finished up Week 2 of the challenge. I think I’ve missed only 1 sleep point each week so far when my schedule was a little off on that day. I have been tracking my food faithfully and paying attention to my calorie goals. I even track my “free days” or free meals. There is nothing like seeing that you ate a DQ Blizzard, or 4 slices of pizza from Rudy’s to make you more conscious of your food choices. I make my water intake daily. I’ve earned 5 exercise points per week. I started using MapMyWalk and synched it to my MyFitnessPal so it automatically posts my workouts and calorie expenditure to my food log. Although I began the challenge intending to do the Metabolism Miracle, my actual eating has turned into more of a carb counting routine. I keep my breakfasts and lunches to anywhere between 5-15 grams of carbs or less, I eat many vegetables, take my vitamins, and if I feel like eating some popcorn or a small handful of chips, or 2 soft tortillas in the evenings, I do it. I usually keep dinners to 2 carb servings or less. And guess what…..my weight seems to be just dropping off!! I believe it’s because the structure of this challenge encourages several healthy habits, not just food and exercise. I think it’s the sleep requirement that’s made the difference with me as well as being mindful of my carb intake and not restricting myself as much as before. My energy is evening out more each day…I don’t have as many dips and my energy lasts longer. And I feel smaller already.

So if you haven’t guessed it at this point, Tracy is amazing!!! This was so needed at this point and time and I’m having fun AND improving my health. Thank you again for organizing this!!